My Tin Opener TRAUMA!

It’s been a quieter week this week, mainly because I haven’t had internet due to moving house, so I will start with a ridiculously horrendous  tale involving  1 tin opener …or not as the case may be.  I realised once I had arrived at my new house that I’d completely forgotten to pack my tin opener. Oh well, I thought, not really an important utensil. Until I realised that it was the most important utensil of the modern world. When attempting to open my tin of Tuna after cooking a jacket potato for approximately 2 hours, I realised this to be true! HEAVENS! It was difficult not to curse.

Having only £10 to my name at the time of the tin opener crisis, I refused to spend £4 on a tin opener (which was the going rate). £4 on having the ability to open a tin? Nope, not today, not ever. It’s almost as bad as having to pay for tampons, these things in life WE NEED!  

So, I went to the pound shop, thanking London along the way for providing such a fantastic shop that enabled me to basically live (and breathe) in this city, and bought what I can only describe as a sharp pointy stick - similar to that of a knife. It was awful and my hands felt awful for using it.  I mean, what even is this...

As I washed away the blood from various cuts I had received, I imagined a world where tin openers were everywhere, and attached to EVERYTHING. A dream is still a dream so I decided to shop around and try to get a cheaper tin opener ….then the dreaded £4.

The breakthrough came upon entering a Tesco express on the evening of Monday 8^th September 2014 in Walthamstow. Wonders of all wonders I had found a tin opener for the incredibly reasonable price of £1. SOLD to the girl with the huge smile upon her face, victory is mine I thought. I took the tin opener to the counter, paid for my goods which also consisted of a bag of lettuce and some chewing gum, and left with a smile on my face thanking the distracted sales assistant as he packed my bag for me. How kind.

I raced home, looking forward to taking the new packaging off my brand spanking new (and cheap) tin opener, and as I popped the Tesco’s bag on the work top and opened the plastic, a sense of euphoria came upon me.  I took out the lettuce and chewing gum expecting to see the most amazing site in all of my 29 years, when instead I saw something truly horrific. There was no tin opener in the bag! WHAT? Where is it?!?! I looked all around the house, even though I had only walked about 6 steps from the front door. It wasn’t there. It was gone. I then remembered one crucial piece of information. The man behind the counter had packed my bags …and he had left the tin opener out!

Moral of the story, don’t move house.

Tired of London...Tired of LIFE!

As soon as I step on to the train I am faced with a screaming dribbling child, quite clearly in need of some sort of assistance as his Mother carries out her parental duties by talking to some poor bugger on the other end of the phone and completely ignoring her son. I find a seat, sit down, and continue to listen to Clean Bandits ‘Dust Clears’ …everyone should listen to this brilliant song right now! In fact you should literally listen to this brilliant song right now…

Unfortunately not even this fantastically arranged track and accomplishment in modern music can take me away from the many distractions that surround me. With music in both ears, I can still quite clearly hear one of the most irritating sounds my poor eardrums have ever been exposed to. Humming.

 

The man sitting next to me but one, is quite literally humming. The tune is unknown, but the humming is similar to what I imagine it would sound like if a small mouse was to do the ice bucket challenge, one cube at a time, whilst attempting to sing Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights. A slow and painful sound that makes my eardrums feel constantly numb and irritable. I stare at him and so do other people, but no one says anything.

At this point another woman comes and sits on me…sorry next to me. Apologising as she removes her scarf from my lap, she looks at the humming man and tuts. Finally I think, someone who I can share a common eye roll and nod with, but unfortunately this is not what happens. The woman pulls out her telephonic communication devise and dials an 11 digit number. I know this because the keypad tones are switched on…who does that?! At this point I am praying for a quick ‘can you pick me up from the station, ok bye’ but instead I get... 'and then Tina was like'. I am sure that if there was a hell for ears, then this would be it. If you have ever stood next to a massive speaker at the famous Notting Hill Carnival then you can imagine how loud it was. Times that by 100 and you're almost there.

I am then faced with two other people who decide to ring everyone they have ever met whilst on this 20 minute journey. At this point I am close to breaking when I realise that my stop is fast approaching. I get up way too early as I can not sit listening to this debauchery anymore. As soon as I stand up the man opposite me also stands up. He looks at me and then walks towards the door blocking me from exiting first. He then recreates the scene in David Attenborough's 'Planet Earth', where a snail walks along a one way path as other woodland creatures look on behind him in despair. You can't find these scenes on the bonus features as it was never released. This was because it was so dull that people literally died from the viewing, I only know because I nearly died from the viewing.

I finally manage to overtake this man and leave the train feeling frustrated and uneasy in the knowledge that this will most likely happen all over again tomorrow, and then the day after that, and then the day after that too. Oh London, I'll never get tired of your constant banter.  

Oh no wait...I'M TIRED!

Bored of being Bored because being Bored is Boring!

Boredom...it really is a boring thing. Some people get it ALOT, some people hardly ever get it. Some people know how to get rid of it and some people don’t have a clue. There is no real cure for this, which can be a real problem. You can’t just take some Lemsip or Nurofen and get rid of it like a cold. But like a cold, it is extremely common and incredibly contagious. If one person is overly bored they can quite easily infect another person with this tragic condition. However someone without the condition can also quite easily cure someone with it. Boredom, it's a funny old thing really.

‘I’m bored’. Sarah said as she tried to find a topic for her next blog entry. A light bulb suddenly appeared above her head. ‘I’ve got it’ she shouted to an empty auditorium. ‘Boredom, it can be about BOREDOM’. As Sarah started to type out the words that were inflicting her thoughts to such an extent, she soon realised that these words could and most likely would inflict upon her audience in the darkest way. A change of subject was definitely in need, but what? Its hard to think at the best of times, but when you’ve got no energy to think of anything at all, then thinking itself becomes an undeniable truth...or so she thought. She tried to wake herself up but failed miserable. She splashed some cold water in her face but quickly reverted back to a tiresome lump. She then tried to abandon any thoughts altogether, but constantly came back to it. She came to the conclusion that the only way to get rid of these thoughts, was to embrace them, and think her way through.

So she did what any normal human being in the same situation would do. She took drastic action and Google image'd 'bored'. What happened next was totally expected. This was what came up…

'Tragedy' by the popular 90's band of 'Steps' came to mind and this was soon followed by 'Gina G'. 'Why were these things happening to me?!' She thought, until she realised that she was now googling what looked and sounded like her childhood. Kavana, 911 and PJ and Duncan all made an appearance on her computer screen, and this was the moment she realised, there is a cure for boredom after all, and it comes in the form of 'Misheard 90's song lyrics' FEAT 'The reason I breed is you' and 'STOP, Ham Time'! Worked for me! Enjoy...

     

London Underground...

Changing lines on the London Underground is much like when an unexpected flash flood destroys everything in its path leaving only devastation and despair. Increasing the heart rate it quickly transforms a persons character altogether from a normal and relatively happy human being, into a never seen before angry species complete with both tail and horns. If you’re lucky enough to have a seat on the train, you will sit there waiting in anticipation for this event to begin.
 
Unfortunately the seat will impair you in the long run especially if its in the middle of the carriage, and this will be a huge disadvantage when the time comes to exit the train. As you fight your way through the obstacle of bags, buggys and people, you begin to feel the sweat start to intrude upon your forehead. You wonder if the seat was worth it, but it always was.
 
Finally you manage to push yourself through the people and reach the doors. Unscalved you now see a swarm of people crowding around the open doors in front of you and quickly coming towards you. Some of them start to push you back in to the train to which you respond with a heckle and another push. ‘Please let passengers off the train FIRST’ you repeat!
 
Eventually you leave the train and slowly make your way down the crowded platform. People still continue to push past you, so you have no choice but to push past them. Bags smack you round the face unaware of what they are actually smacking in to. Some people run, and apologise as they knock other people over but do not stop. Some people walk next to their friends in a long line that creates a huge barrier making it impossible for faster walking people to pass. Others walk at a snails pace and some walk only ever so slightly quicker than that. 'Is there anything worse than a slow walker over taking an even slower walker' you think to yourself.
 
You dodge in and out and overtake the people that you can, and then you’re faced with every commuters worst nightmare...the escalator. Someone is stood on the left hand side and they are NOT moving. To avoid confrontation the person behind them says nothing, so you wait knowing that your train is now most likely zooming into the tunnel away from the platform just moments from where you are.
 
Finally you reached the end of the escalator. You turn the corner smashing into the people you pass, only to see the train pulling away from the station platform. Your fears have been realised and this is then followed by the hideously annoying announcement of:

‘Due to a signal failure at Bounds Green, the Piccadilly Line is experiencing severe delays. You are advised to seek another form of transport’

The world around you starts to crumble and you now have to get the one thing that is even worse than the tube - a London Bus! Hell has opened up and just when you think that your day cannot get any worse, suddenly perspective pays you a visit and you hear the following announcement:

‘Due to a person under a train at Green Park, the Piccadilly line is now suspended until further notice. Tickets will be excepted on local buses’

You stop for a moment, take a deep breath and realise that you have just become one of ‘those people’. You get on the bus without another negative thought, you stand there with a bag in one cheek and an armpit in the other, smiling. You smile, you get over it and you get on with your journey. You then reach your final destination.
 
Whether its a good thing or a bad thing, changing lines is just that, its change. It can be refreshing even when you weren’t expecting it. So expect it, and it will change everything. 

End.

The Unidentified Body

At precisely 5.37pm on Tuesday 22^nd July 2014, an unidentified body covered up by a long black bag passed by me on a stretcher outside Edgeware Road Station. I know the exact time because at that exact time I looked at my watch perhaps to avoid looking directly at the body, or perhaps to subconsciously calculate the exact time of this person’s death. 10 minutes before this event occurred all I was thinking of was what I was going to be cooking for dinner that evening, or what would be on the tele that night, when loud sirens started to ring throughout the station, I forgot these thoughts instantaneously. These sirens were soon followed by a worryingly uneasy sounding voice:

‘Due to an emergency situation please evacuate the station immediately’

As we all grouped together and started heading towards the exit I watched the expressions on people’s faces change. Some concerned, some confused, and some were certainly trying not to remember the tragic events that occurred at this very same station just 9 years before, on 7/7. At this exact time no one knew what to expect.

Upon leaving the station in an orderly manor I made sure to stay close to the doors to avoid having to push my way through the crowds when the time came to re-enter. I stood there for about 10 minutes contemplating whether or not to attempt another route home when a man eventually appeared. He told everyone to look away if they were squeamish or likely to become traumatised as unfortunately a lady had lost of life this evening, and she would be passing through here very soon.

What did he just say? ‘A lady had lost her life?’. These words echoed in my thoughts over and over again. Finally understanding what had happened was one thing, but now being given the identity of 'a lady' was quite another. Which lady? What was she doing? I considered the lack of emergency services at the station and came to the conclusion that she must of committed suicide, speculation I know and perhaps she had a heart attack but surely there would be at least one ambulance if this was the case.

The Police led two men in black suits through the crowds. As they pushed the stretcher along, the crowd fell silent as if to pay their respects to this person who was now just a shape covered up by the familiar looking black bag. They placed her body in a bizarre looking grey vehicle and quickly left.  

We were then able to return to the platform but I couldn’t shake the thoughts of what had just happened off.  What had become of this woman to make her think that this was her only choice? What circumstances had arisen before? What were her worries? What were her woes? How old was she? I then started to think about her hobbies, her favourite foods, her job or what kind of person she actually was.

On this her final day, what clothes had she picked out? How did she style her hair? Did she know that this day was to be her last? Had she planned it, or was it simply just an accident. Just before it happened what might have been running through her mind? Was she too thinking about dinner or what was on the tele that evening? I then wondered if she would be remembered and who knew her, but obviously knew not of what had just happened. Would they remember her? Would they care? I looked at this form in front of me that I have so often seen in films and in television programs in the past, and I tried to create an image of her in my mind and think about the many names that she may have had. So, this is for you - 'the lady that lost her life'. I will remember you, whoever it was, that you were.

22^nd July 2014 at approximately 5.20pm

9 bags, 7 hats and 2 swords later...

9 bags, 7 hats, 2 swords and a hell of a lot of dust later and I’ve now thrown away approximately three quarters of my belongings. It felt slightly sad but also incredibly cleansing to know that I now own, next to nothing. Nothing to lose and everything to gain. A fresh start at the beginning of the journey that I am inevitably about to take.

I have come to realise that items are just items, possessions that people hold on to as a reminder of how much we may have to lose. I don’t think that a person should believe that without these things, they have nothing. Everything that we have and need is right here, so unless you’re thinking of throwing out your old brain or heart then you really don’t have much to lose by doing this at all.

If you are having a clear out soon, then I urge you to take a step back and make a conscious decision about each item...and then, THROW IT ALL AWAY! Why are these things just sitting there existing in our houses accumulating dust? Do they really matter on the large scale of thing? Forgotten hobbies that once meant everything now mean nothing much at all. Tennis rackets, musical instruments, folding bicycles and books of self help and cookery are sat there literally doing nothing, and if they are doing something then by all means keep them, but if they aren’t, then for petes sake just throw them away! Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Your past likes, dislikes, interests and experiences are important, but do you really need them hanging around in physical form? Take a picture, it will last longer! Keep hold of things that are at least picked up and used once in a while but consider this, other than the clothes on our backs and a few electronic devices - what do we actually need? Nothing? Everything? Of course excluding any pots, pans and homeware supplies...I’ll leave this one up to you.

I have of course kept hold of all of my most treasured possessions such as letters, photos, tickets and anything that reminds me of the good times that I hopefully will never forget anyway. But in case I am faced with the possibility of developing amnesia, I think it is important to hold on to just a few.

So pop the things that really matter in a box or two and throw away the rest. Call it a memory box, or a treasure trove, or in my case ‘a box of wonderfuls’ and every now and then take a moment to look back at these things and reminisce, trust me you’re not going to care about remembering clothes that no longer fit, or bank statements from banks that no longer exist.

I’ll end with the classic and very memorable lyrics by the international sensation of one Ms Whitney Houston...

‘I HAVE NOTHING’!!

'The Tutter' FEAT Baz Luhrmann!

The doors slam but they do not close. A foot rests in the bottom of the gap squeezed between the two obstacles. As two hands suddenly appear and grasp onto either side of each opened door slowly pulling them apart, a face similar to the hulk’s is seen. A less than green body pulls itself through the gap as the obstruction is removed, and the doors finally slam shut, and this time close.

The tiny lights in the corners of each door turn off and the engines fire up. We are on our way again. As I look around a few people have taken to tutting at the man for delaying the train by 2.5 seconds. The man that owns the hulk face is blissfully unaware of the tutting around him, although he does look slightly awkward. Luckily his ears carry two tiny speakers presumably to avoid the almost certain confrontation that he may have faced otherwise.

As I sit here watching the different reactions to this seemingly ordinary occurrence, I am reminded of Baz Luhrmann's hit single ‘Everybody’s Free’, mainly because it starts to play out of the left speaker of my broken earphones. I wonder if this song were to play aloud with its suggestions of sunscreen, stretching and throwing away your old bank statements, people would stop for a moment, rise up like some kind of spirit, and suddenly realise how ridiculous they look.

Now I understand that most people have come accustom to this 'tutting', and I too have played my part in being slightly, if not horrendously ridiculous at times, but I can’t help but wonder if this song on the importance of wearing sunscreen were to randomly start playing on the tube out loud, people would actually stop for a moment, and help each other out for a change.

At least half of these...lets call them ‘tutters’...were actually tutting at the people who started tutting in the first place. A few others I’m sure just thought 'tutting' was really ‘in’ at the moment, so carried on regardless. 

When I thought about this I realised that I may be drawing too much attention to myself by not tutting. So I then started to tut, which drew even more attention. What had I done? WHY WERE PEOPLE STILL TUTTING?! Even 'the hulk' was tutting by this point. I looked around trying to find a reason for this constant tut, and as I paused my music for a moment, I realised something extremely ridiculous had actually happened. 

No one was tutting at all, not one single person. Had I imagined it? Where had the tuts gone? I was sure I wasn't crazy, so I pressed play, and there it was again...the tutting! I pressed pause, the tutting stopped. I pressed play again, the tutting began! After a few attempts it suddenly dawned upon me. It wasn't the people that were tutting but infact Baz, tutting away like a little tutting tutter.

DAMIT I thought...I really need to invest in new earphones!

When Jesus say YES nobody can say NO....

Imagine the scene: I’m walking home late one night. I stop to pick up a bag of chips to soak up the immense amount of alcohol that is in my system. I arrive home, unwrap and start eating the chips which are now drowned in a mixture of ketchup, mayonnaise and salt. They taste divine, more than divine, but then what’s more than divine? ..they taste delicious. As I start to gradually feel less dizzy, (okay less drunk)I decide that it is not time for me to sleep yet. So I sign on to the social networking media site of Facebook, and this is where my ordeal begins.

One of my friends had posted a video which contained music and lyrics from the critically aclaimed 'underdog' of Destiny's Child, Michelle Williams. The first thing I notice is that this song is featuring Beyonce and Kelly Rowland. Interesting I thought...are Destiny’s Child making a come back? Will they be releasing a brand spanking new album soon? And perhaps the most important question of all which still haunts me today ...is Michelle Williams going to front this revival? Surely even suggesting this would be blasphemy. 

Next I see the title ‘Say Yes’! Still with a mixture of vodka, cider and wine in my system and as a massive fan of saying YES to life, I quickly forget that Michelle Williams is a big artist in the world of gospel music, and decide to do the only logical thing possible. As I slowly move the mouse across the touch pad with my index finger as the rest of my right hand quietly rests on the edge of the laptop, I hover above the ‘play’ button for all of a tenth of a second. I then press play, as the world that I thought I knew so very well, changed FOREVER! 

Initially the song is everything that you as a human being would ever want in a song. The beat is strong, to the point and perfectly spaced out between each foot tapping sound. This is accompanied by a modern and incredibly toxic tune that resonates in your head over and over again, cutting through your limbs as they start to move in directions you're not even aware of. Straight away I can see a number 1 hit followed by, an international tour inspired only by this one song. The revival of Destinys Child with front woman Michelle Williams has already happened in my mind, and I am the one with the front row seats. The AMA’s, MTV music awards, and the Grammy’s have all recognised this song as an absolute masterpiece, and Michelle Williams is all of a sudden shaking hands with the Queen as she excepts her OBE, for her 'Outstanding Contribution to Modern Music'. And then just when I think I am literally hearing history be made, the sound of Michelle’s voice blasts into my eardrums as I see the lyrics appear on the screen in front of me. 

There is no escape. 

No way in or out of this confusing mind boggling experience. I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to. I feel hypnotized and restrained like a fish on a hook fighting hopelessly to survive, to become free. 

The song finishes. I sit as still as anything for a good minute and a half, as the utter sense of devastation hits me like a 10 storey building landing directly on my head. I realise that I have just experienced what it may feel like for all of your hopes and dreams to become reality, only to then have them all come crashing down on you seconds later...a bit like Kate Winslet's career in music. I feel disappointment and happiness all in the same moment as I slowly drift off to sleep with only one sound in my head.

I wake up in the morning, a good 9 hours later and the only words I seem to be able to mumble are ‘When Jesus say YES, nobody can say NO!' Good or bad? Wrong or right? Brilliant or just plan awful? YOU DECIDE! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stdPSPOejbw

Enjoy... and remember, turn the volume UP!

A room within a room...

My fingertips hit each key with absolute determination, in an attempt to spill out some kind of language that has an effect on the people that may or may not be reading the context. To form some kind of structure that will create an outstanding masterpiece that in turn will be better than air is to lungs, and more adventurous than J.K‘s ‘Potter’ is of course the dream. 

As I type, constantly searching for some inspiration in this blank piece of electronical paper, I see nothing. I then decide to look out of the library window, where I currently find myself. People are everywhere. Some are rushing about, and some are contemplating their next move. Some are on their phones, and some people are with other people just simply walking in a direction that will eventually take them to their final destination, wherever that may be. 

Inside the library the story is much the same, but with less phones, less noise and less rushing about. So in actual fact, its completely different. Everyone sits at their desks with their eyes locked on to the computer screen in front of them. Occasionally some people get up, pack away their equipment and leave. Some people do not pack their belongings away but they do still leave. I believe this is in an attempt to save their working space as it is extremely busy. As I sit here my mind starts to wander into nothingness. Perhaps today is not the most thought provoking day i've ever had, but I will try to give you all my imagination has to offer in this current moment.

There is a sign next to me which reads ‘Items left on tables for more than 15 minutes will be removed to make space for other library users’. I wonder how much this is enforced as the man next to me has been gone for at least 30 minutes. Is there a particular room that he has gone to I wonder, other than the toilet? There must be an area in this library where people go to just disappear into their thoughts. There has to be. I decide to leave my desk and walk towards the exit at the top of the stairs, leaving my belongings behind. 

Out of nowhere and in the blink of an eye I see it, the room where everyone must have gone too. I enter. It is like no other room in the building and strangely seems to have appeared as if from nowhere. As I enter, every single colour you could ever imagine hits me like a beam of sunlight. The assortment of colours line the walls of the room, and there is a switch on the side which I discover, changes the entire decor to which ever interior you desire.

This room has the most comfortable seating I have ever known before. It has a vending machine that will give you any food type you could ever want. Next to this vending machine sits a television screen on which you can find every single genre of moving image, that has ever been televised or made. Each person has their own room, but this is not what the room is made for. These items are just optional extra’s to the main event which is of course, virtual reality. The most comfortable seating ever to exist turns into a flat bed in one touch of a button. As I lay down facing upwards I close my eyes and some sort of flannel like material covers my face, and then, it happens.

I am transformed into a place that can only be described as paradise. There are no people here and my mind is completely set free. I rest. As the sun shines down on the vast waters that I now lay in, I feel the satisfaction of eating and drinking the most incredible food and drink without having to physically do this. I sleep without sleeping, I laugh without laughing. All of my senses feel complete and yet none of them have even left the library desk.

I am suddenly overcome with a sense of accomplishment as I open my eyes feeling completely relaxed and fulfilled. I leave the room and return to my desk. I write. I read. I complete everything in much less time than before. I start again.

End

Sunday 1st June...

How did that happen? June? Already?! Madness! Half way through the year and this is where I am at… Paris? Perhaps unrealistic. Japan …perhaps more realistic! England? NOPE! I have sacrificed many an occasion in favour of saving and in return I now have a new laptop, an ongoing TEFL course and would you believe it?! …Actual savings! ‘Shocked’ is not an expression I usually choose when evaluating myself from afar, but I am indeed slightly shocked that I have managed to do this …so far that is. 

Saving money has never been my strong point, as I’m sure many of you can relate to, but I’m telling you now, forget smoking, exercise or food…saving IS an ADDICTION! You start with putting a little aside each month and before you know it, you can’t stop! So I recommend it to anyone and yes, I am aware that I may be preaching to the converted and this is what most people have done every month since the beginning of their own existence,  but I am definitely not one of those people. So if you too are AWFUL with the notion of this particularly 'adult' activity, and are more of a Jane and Michael than a Mr Banks, then I encourage you to just DO IT and stop feeding those birds NOW! 

At the beginning of this year I would never have expected to be considering Asia as an option, if not for any other reason than pure laziness of sorting out visa’s, doing the course and having to make conscious and extremely productive decisions in my life. I really wasn’t sure what the future was going to hold for me and I had spent a lot of time waiting around for something to happen. I decided a long time ago that if something was meant to happen, then it just would, and that was all there was to it. I would quite often walk around London and wrongly predict that some high level business person would approach me on the street and ask me to be the next huge lyricist, playwright or author. I would think about this to the extent where there was no other option for me to even consider. This was the fact of the matter, and there was definitely no way that it would not happen. 

So I waited, and I waited and then after that, I waiting some more. And guess what happened (of course) NOTHING! My childlike beliefs of magical lands far far away, that I would one day reach during a freak tornado that would pull my house up from its very roots, and take me there whilst I watched my weird indian neighbour fly pass the window on a bicycle, had been demolished.

  

I had suddenly realised that this naïve perspective on life was the very thing, the only thing, that was holding me back. So I booked a solo trip to Paris to experience LIFE. Since then (I think) I have a better understanding of how this 'life' thing works. Truth be known, if you want something to happen than you have to make it happen yourself through pure hard work and perseverance. As Britany Spears 'Queen of Pop' once sang…you want a lamborghini? YOU BETTER WORK BITCH!

True story indeed. So here I am working my little socks off and making that all important decision to make something happen for me and for the greater good. It will take time, energy, money and effort but if you think about it, by having this idea in the first place, I’m already half way there. So I’ll do what Britney tells me to do, and I’m sure by this time next year, she'll have another hit song out called 'How Sarah Lakin made it work...bitch'! Fingers crossed! 

For those nothing days!

Bank Holiday weekend. Always a funny one and usually a rainy one too. We wake up in the morning wondering what to do. We try to go out but the feeling of wanting to lay down all day overtakes the feeling of wanting to go out and so, we stay in.

This is slightly marred by the constant feeling that we should be doing something productive. We read a little (mostly Facebook), we watch TV, we look out the window, we eat, we watch some more TV, we read a little more Facebook.

Nothing seems to matter as much as it did yesterday. We are in our own space where literally nothing matters. Our feelings of happiness or sadness turn into complete numbness. In fact, not even the word ‘nothing’ means anything to us anymore.

As the numbness hits every part of our body we begin to feel totally relaxed. This is what your body experiences when you sleep and usually no one ever gets a chance to do this while they are awake. This is a form of meditation, so just sit back or lay down, and think about, well nothing. If you drift off, then so be it, you’ll soon wake up and read a little more Facebook and watch a little more TV.

Embrace the feeling of doing nothing and stop worrying. Especially if its sunny outside! There is nothing worse than the guilt of wanting a ‘nothing day’ when its nice outside. So instead think of this - we can’t always choose when to have those nothing days, so just relax and feel calm in the knowledge that you may not be able to have another ‘nothing day’ for...I don’t know...at least a whole week!

The Gym? Do NOT go to the gym, unless you begin to feel bored..nope, not even then! Your ‘nothing day’ does not involve exercise! FULL STOP! Read a book, although if this becomes too strenuous then stop and stare at the stealing. Think, but not to much. Write, even if its just your own name. Or write a pros and cons list, even if you have no options to weight up. But DO NOT go to the Gym! This will only bring something to your nothing day, and this would in turn defeat the whole purpose of having a nothing day.

So lay horizontal, stare at the four walls around you, and embrace the boredom. Only then can you really appreciate your ability to actually leave the house at any given moment and experince living. Only then can you really appreciate, LIFE! 

Wait...what are you doing?! Nothing? Leave the house...leave the damn house NOW! 

End