A tall thin table centre stage houses a telephone. A chair sits next to this. On the floor next to the chair is a briefcase. The phone rings. Nothing happens for a long while. It stops. A young man dressed in an old dirty looking suit, enters. He sits down on the chair and waits. He nervously looks at his watch. The phone rings again. He looks at the phone, and then looks at his surroundings before cautiously going to pick it up.
No answer. He puts the phone down and returns to his chair. After a while it rings again. He returns to the phone and picks it up.
Man: Helloo?
Again no answer. He sits back down. Once again the phone rings, he annoyingly rushes to pick it up.
Man: HELLO? Oh hello, yes...yes, okay I understand. What, now? But I don’t know....oh, ok then, now.
He puts down the phone, returns to the chair, sits down and opens the brief case. He pulls out a tennis ball, before placing the briefcase down. Looking carefully at the tennis ball, he squeezes it. Realising there is a rip in the ball, he now opens the tennis ball and pulls out a gobstopper. He places the ball on top of the briefcase and starts to suck the gobstopper. The phone rings again. With the gobstopper in his mouth, he goes to pick it up.
Man: ello? Yep...it’s in my…but you said...WHAT?
The man spits the gobstopper out of his
mouth, and returns to the tennis ball and pulls out a note. He reads the note.
Man:'This gobstopper is filled with juicy goodness for all your 'tripping' needs [PAUSE] Do not suck…if allergic to acid'
The man throws the note on the floor. He stands up and slowly starts to spin around. He then walks over to the phone and starts to stroke it.
Man: Oooh Bobby
The Man then jumps back.
Man: Bobby? Come 'ere boy, come on, come on Bobby. Who’s a good boy?
He then grabs the cord of the phone as if it’s a dog’s lead, and starts frantically running around centre stage.
Man: Come on Bobby, who’s a good boy, who’s a good boy...now fetch.
He throws the tennis ball, and waits for 'Bobby' to get it.
Man: Ok just this once
The man now runs after the ball, places it in his mouth like a dog, and then runs around looking at the phone and barking frantically. He becomes increasingly annoyed when 'Bobby' doesn’t move. He barks.
Man: Woof woof woof Bobbyyy woof woof Bobbyyy stop it bobby. Stop it!
The man gets to a peak of exhaustion and slowly starts to shut down, eventually collapsing on the floor. The phone rings. A teenaged girl dressed in a purple shell suit now enters. She picks up the phone from the floor and answers it.
Woman: Yo, hit me up! Wot? Nah blud, just got here.
She then notices the man lying on the floor with the tennis ball in his mouth.
Woman: Ah shit blud, this is like totally, off the waaaaaaall!! No blud, his sucked the whole bloody thing. [PAUSE] Excuse me? Ay listen, it’s your ‘ead, not mine.
End
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