'The Tutter' FEAT Baz Luhrmann!

The doors slam but they do not close. A foot rests in the bottom of the gap squeezed between the two obstacles. As two hands suddenly appear and grasp onto either side of each opened door slowly pulling them apart, a face similar to the hulk’s is seen. A less than green body pulls itself through the gap as the obstruction is removed, and the doors finally slam shut, and this time close.

The tiny lights in the corners of each door turn off and the engines fire up. We are on our way again. As I look around a few people have taken to tutting at the man for delaying the train by 2.5 seconds. The man that owns the hulk face is blissfully unaware of the tutting around him, although he does look slightly awkward. Luckily his ears carry two tiny speakers presumably to avoid the almost certain confrontation that he may have faced otherwise.

As I sit here watching the different reactions to this seemingly ordinary occurrence, I am reminded of Baz Luhrmann's hit single ‘Everybody’s Free’, mainly because it starts to play out of the left speaker of my broken earphones. I wonder if this song were to play aloud with its suggestions of sunscreen, stretching and throwing away your old bank statements, people would stop for a moment, rise up like some kind of spirit, and suddenly realise how ridiculous they look.

Now I understand that most people have come accustom to this 'tutting', and I too have played my part in being slightly, if not horrendously ridiculous at times, but I can’t help but wonder if this song on the importance of wearing sunscreen were to randomly start playing on the tube out loud, people would actually stop for a moment, and help each other out for a change.

At least half of these...lets call them ‘tutters’...were actually tutting at the people who started tutting in the first place. A few others I’m sure just thought 'tutting' was really ‘in’ at the moment, so carried on regardless. 

When I thought about this I realised that I may be drawing too much attention to myself by not tutting. So I then started to tut, which drew even more attention. What had I done? WHY WERE PEOPLE STILL TUTTING?! Even 'the hulk' was tutting by this point. I looked around trying to find a reason for this constant tut, and as I paused my music for a moment, I realised something extremely ridiculous had actually happened. 

No one was tutting at all, not one single person. Had I imagined it? Where had the tuts gone? I was sure I wasn't crazy, so I pressed play, and there it was again...the tutting! I pressed pause, the tutting stopped. I pressed play again, the tutting began! After a few attempts it suddenly dawned upon me. It wasn't the people that were tutting but infact Baz, tutting away like a little tutting tutter.

DAMIT I thought...I really need to invest in new earphones!

When Jesus say YES nobody can say NO....

Imagine the scene: I’m walking home late one night. I stop to pick up a bag of chips to soak up the immense amount of alcohol that is in my system. I arrive home, unwrap and start eating the chips which are now drowned in a mixture of ketchup, mayonnaise and salt. They taste divine, more than divine, but then what’s more than divine? ..they taste delicious. As I start to gradually feel less dizzy, (okay less drunk)I decide that it is not time for me to sleep yet. So I sign on to the social networking media site of Facebook, and this is where my ordeal begins.

One of my friends had posted a video which contained music and lyrics from the critically aclaimed 'underdog' of Destiny's Child, Michelle Williams. The first thing I notice is that this song is featuring Beyonce and Kelly Rowland. Interesting I thought...are Destiny’s Child making a come back? Will they be releasing a brand spanking new album soon? And perhaps the most important question of all which still haunts me today ...is Michelle Williams going to front this revival? Surely even suggesting this would be blasphemy. 

Next I see the title ‘Say Yes’! Still with a mixture of vodka, cider and wine in my system and as a massive fan of saying YES to life, I quickly forget that Michelle Williams is a big artist in the world of gospel music, and decide to do the only logical thing possible. As I slowly move the mouse across the touch pad with my index finger as the rest of my right hand quietly rests on the edge of the laptop, I hover above the ‘play’ button for all of a tenth of a second. I then press play, as the world that I thought I knew so very well, changed FOREVER! 

Initially the song is everything that you as a human being would ever want in a song. The beat is strong, to the point and perfectly spaced out between each foot tapping sound. This is accompanied by a modern and incredibly toxic tune that resonates in your head over and over again, cutting through your limbs as they start to move in directions you're not even aware of. Straight away I can see a number 1 hit followed by, an international tour inspired only by this one song. The revival of Destinys Child with front woman Michelle Williams has already happened in my mind, and I am the one with the front row seats. The AMA’s, MTV music awards, and the Grammy’s have all recognised this song as an absolute masterpiece, and Michelle Williams is all of a sudden shaking hands with the Queen as she excepts her OBE, for her 'Outstanding Contribution to Modern Music'. And then just when I think I am literally hearing history be made, the sound of Michelle’s voice blasts into my eardrums as I see the lyrics appear on the screen in front of me. 

There is no escape. 

No way in or out of this confusing mind boggling experience. I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to. I feel hypnotized and restrained like a fish on a hook fighting hopelessly to survive, to become free. 

The song finishes. I sit as still as anything for a good minute and a half, as the utter sense of devastation hits me like a 10 storey building landing directly on my head. I realise that I have just experienced what it may feel like for all of your hopes and dreams to become reality, only to then have them all come crashing down on you seconds later...a bit like Kate Winslet's career in music. I feel disappointment and happiness all in the same moment as I slowly drift off to sleep with only one sound in my head.

I wake up in the morning, a good 9 hours later and the only words I seem to be able to mumble are ‘When Jesus say YES, nobody can say NO!' Good or bad? Wrong or right? Brilliant or just plan awful? YOU DECIDE! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stdPSPOejbw

Enjoy... and remember, turn the volume UP!

A room within a room...

My fingertips hit each key with absolute determination, in an attempt to spill out some kind of language that has an effect on the people that may or may not be reading the context. To form some kind of structure that will create an outstanding masterpiece that in turn will be better than air is to lungs, and more adventurous than J.K‘s ‘Potter’ is of course the dream. 

As I type, constantly searching for some inspiration in this blank piece of electronical paper, I see nothing. I then decide to look out of the library window, where I currently find myself. People are everywhere. Some are rushing about, and some are contemplating their next move. Some are on their phones, and some people are with other people just simply walking in a direction that will eventually take them to their final destination, wherever that may be. 

Inside the library the story is much the same, but with less phones, less noise and less rushing about. So in actual fact, its completely different. Everyone sits at their desks with their eyes locked on to the computer screen in front of them. Occasionally some people get up, pack away their equipment and leave. Some people do not pack their belongings away but they do still leave. I believe this is in an attempt to save their working space as it is extremely busy. As I sit here my mind starts to wander into nothingness. Perhaps today is not the most thought provoking day i've ever had, but I will try to give you all my imagination has to offer in this current moment.

There is a sign next to me which reads ‘Items left on tables for more than 15 minutes will be removed to make space for other library users’. I wonder how much this is enforced as the man next to me has been gone for at least 30 minutes. Is there a particular room that he has gone to I wonder, other than the toilet? There must be an area in this library where people go to just disappear into their thoughts. There has to be. I decide to leave my desk and walk towards the exit at the top of the stairs, leaving my belongings behind. 

Out of nowhere and in the blink of an eye I see it, the room where everyone must have gone too. I enter. It is like no other room in the building and strangely seems to have appeared as if from nowhere. As I enter, every single colour you could ever imagine hits me like a beam of sunlight. The assortment of colours line the walls of the room, and there is a switch on the side which I discover, changes the entire decor to which ever interior you desire.

This room has the most comfortable seating I have ever known before. It has a vending machine that will give you any food type you could ever want. Next to this vending machine sits a television screen on which you can find every single genre of moving image, that has ever been televised or made. Each person has their own room, but this is not what the room is made for. These items are just optional extra’s to the main event which is of course, virtual reality. The most comfortable seating ever to exist turns into a flat bed in one touch of a button. As I lay down facing upwards I close my eyes and some sort of flannel like material covers my face, and then, it happens.

I am transformed into a place that can only be described as paradise. There are no people here and my mind is completely set free. I rest. As the sun shines down on the vast waters that I now lay in, I feel the satisfaction of eating and drinking the most incredible food and drink without having to physically do this. I sleep without sleeping, I laugh without laughing. All of my senses feel complete and yet none of them have even left the library desk.

I am suddenly overcome with a sense of accomplishment as I open my eyes feeling completely relaxed and fulfilled. I leave the room and return to my desk. I write. I read. I complete everything in much less time than before. I start again.

End

Sunday 1st June...

How did that happen? June? Already?! Madness! Half way through the year and this is where I am at… Paris? Perhaps unrealistic. Japan …perhaps more realistic! England? NOPE! I have sacrificed many an occasion in favour of saving and in return I now have a new laptop, an ongoing TEFL course and would you believe it?! …Actual savings! ‘Shocked’ is not an expression I usually choose when evaluating myself from afar, but I am indeed slightly shocked that I have managed to do this …so far that is. 

Saving money has never been my strong point, as I’m sure many of you can relate to, but I’m telling you now, forget smoking, exercise or food…saving IS an ADDICTION! You start with putting a little aside each month and before you know it, you can’t stop! So I recommend it to anyone and yes, I am aware that I may be preaching to the converted and this is what most people have done every month since the beginning of their own existence,  but I am definitely not one of those people. So if you too are AWFUL with the notion of this particularly 'adult' activity, and are more of a Jane and Michael than a Mr Banks, then I encourage you to just DO IT and stop feeding those birds NOW! 

At the beginning of this year I would never have expected to be considering Asia as an option, if not for any other reason than pure laziness of sorting out visa’s, doing the course and having to make conscious and extremely productive decisions in my life. I really wasn’t sure what the future was going to hold for me and I had spent a lot of time waiting around for something to happen. I decided a long time ago that if something was meant to happen, then it just would, and that was all there was to it. I would quite often walk around London and wrongly predict that some high level business person would approach me on the street and ask me to be the next huge lyricist, playwright or author. I would think about this to the extent where there was no other option for me to even consider. This was the fact of the matter, and there was definitely no way that it would not happen. 

So I waited, and I waited and then after that, I waiting some more. And guess what happened (of course) NOTHING! My childlike beliefs of magical lands far far away, that I would one day reach during a freak tornado that would pull my house up from its very roots, and take me there whilst I watched my weird indian neighbour fly pass the window on a bicycle, had been demolished.

  

I had suddenly realised that this naïve perspective on life was the very thing, the only thing, that was holding me back. So I booked a solo trip to Paris to experience LIFE. Since then (I think) I have a better understanding of how this 'life' thing works. Truth be known, if you want something to happen than you have to make it happen yourself through pure hard work and perseverance. As Britany Spears 'Queen of Pop' once sang…you want a lamborghini? YOU BETTER WORK BITCH!

True story indeed. So here I am working my little socks off and making that all important decision to make something happen for me and for the greater good. It will take time, energy, money and effort but if you think about it, by having this idea in the first place, I’m already half way there. So I’ll do what Britney tells me to do, and I’m sure by this time next year, she'll have another hit song out called 'How Sarah Lakin made it work...bitch'! Fingers crossed!