Top 7 best Christmas songs of ALL TIME!

There is nothing I love more then turning on the radio, trekking through Winter Wonderland or walking into one of the many Christmas shops and hearing the delights of, yep you’ve guessed it….CHRISTMAS MUSIC! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING makes me feel more festive than this. So I thought it was only appropriate to put together a little list of the BEST Christmas songs of all time, or at least some of my favourites. So, sit back, grab a mince pie or 10 and have a little listen to some of these absolute classics.

1, Chris Ren - Driving Home For Christmas

Does what it says on the tin really! It has become some what of a tradition for my folks to play this song when picking me up from the station, when I am quite literally 'Driving home for Christmas' and I love it. Absolute winner!

2, Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You

Old Mariah has been in the press recently for an apparently terrible version of this song...but who cares, its Mariah and she will always be ON FIRE!

3, Wham - Last Christmas

One word...Classic. Everyone loves a bit of Wham and nothing says 'Its a Christmas Miracle' quite like this 80's spectacular.

4, Band Aid - Do They Know Its Christmas?

...I think they do. Now in its 30th year this Bob Geldof classic has been raising money and awareness for 3 decades. Well done Bob, where's your life time achievement award?!

5, Wizzard - I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday

...this would only cause financial instability and BOREDOM! So no thanks Wizzard, I'm glad its not Christmas EVERYDAY!

6, Frank Sinatra - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Oh Frank, he never disappoints with this old time classic. No doubt everyone will be playing this little number on Christmas Day.

7, The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale Of New York

I personally don't like this song but apparently the rest of the world does, so I couldn't not include it...I don't have anything else to say about this one as it hurts my feelings to talk about it anymore! Ha! 

 BONUS TRACK

For me Christmas reminds me of my childhood which was of course in the good old 90's, and it seemed at the time every Pop Star and TV personality with half a brain was jumping on the Christmas song bandwagon. So I thought what better way to celebrate this occasion then to watch this phenomenon...

...there are no words!

8 more sleeps to go until the copious amounts of alcohol, merriment and FOOD! If you have a piano, be sure to stand around it singing with your eyes closed...its just a joyous dream! 

 Have a wonderful Christmas everyone x

‘I’m not a Celebrity! GET ME IN THEEEERE!’

...I just think it would be hilarious! But seriously, imagine the scene - ’and the public have decided that average nobody of average town with a less than average height...IT MIGHT BE YOU! ARRRGGGH! So here it is, this is what would happen if an average Brit (like myself) went into the Jungle! Surely the ratings would ROCKET...I’d watch it that’s for sure! 

Entering the Jungle

First mistake...offering the pilot a welcoming glass of JAGER with a side of oh crap...I was only trying to be nice!

Meeting the other camp mates

Nice to meet wooooooooh there Sally! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!!!

First Bush Tucker Trial

...I woke up like this!

The Dunny

I got this! Standard night out in Soho!

And finally...

The Coronation 

Queen of the Jungle?! Simples!

Let's make this happen...or failing that, lets just watch the darn show! Soold!

6 of the Best Christmas adverts of ALL TIME!

I know I know, it’s only November and you’ve not even disposed of the bobbing apples, firework ends and rotting pumpkins yet…seriously you should really do that. But, Christmas is in fact just around the corner (literally – its 6 weeks away)! So with the thousands of Christmas tree’s being put up and the variety of ‘celebrities’ turning on Christmas lights around the country, it was just a matter of time before the most Christmassy thing of all hit us….CHRISTMAS ADVERTS! 

Each year some of the biggest tycoons in British trading compete against one another in order to be awarded the title of ‘The Best Christmas Advert’. So I thought what better way to mark this occasion then having a little look at some of the best Christmas adverts over the years…or at least some of my favourites. 
 

1, It’s not Christmas until you’ve seen the Coca Cola Advert…

And now you have seen it so …. Merry Christmas! This classic hasn’t been updated for over a decade and why would you. Holidays are indeed coming!

2, Oh John Lewis…you never seem to let us down!

This 2012 winner of an advert delighted the thousands with its beautiful soundtrack and fascinating journey into the imaginative world of a Snowman! This advert put John Lewis up there with some of the greatest, and with this year’s Penguin theme, it looks like they’re here to stay. 
 

3, It wouldn’t be Christmas without a Marks and Sparks Christmas Food Ad.

‘Golden roasted parsnips coated with wild flower honey and whole grain mustard dressing’ …It’s just too much! Nothing says Christmas quite like someone reading out the ingredients of a Christmas dinner in this marvellously delicious kind of way! YUM!

4, It’s not just a phone book…

Who would have thought that The Yellow Pages would have created such a lovely little Christmas Ad? Well apparently everyone in 1992. I remember this book becoming my new favourite ‘toy’ for about a year after this advert was released…it was magical!

5, This year’s favourite….  

Sainsbury's have really pulled the hat out of the bag with this one. An absolute tribute to the famous 1914 football truce in the World War One trenches. Just Perfect.

6, ‘We’re walking in the air… I’m sipping on an Irn bru’

Irn Bru really struck gold with this one. A fantastic parody of the classic Snowman story, the lyrics are surely worthy of an Oscar or FIVE!

BONUS ADVERT!! 

A little treat for you now with this joyous advert from 2013 that I just had to include! If I’m honest it’s probably my favourite.

Introducing ‘KFC The MUSICAL’!!!

Until next year…Merry Christmas everyone! Too early? NEVER!!!

Three Strangers, one pigeon and a heck load of Doughnuts!

Marco - mid twenties
The man who plays his music too loud. He wears a gilet and track pants with roughly cut short hair, and he trips over everything. The stairs, the platform, he also gets up way too early for his stop, and he ALWAYS reads other peoples newspapers. 

Susannah - early thirties
She does her make up on the tube every morning from Foundation to Eye-liner. She has a set of star tattoos on her right foot. Some coloured in black ink, some not. She reads the metro that Marco also reads over her.

Peter - late thirties
Every morning without fail he sits with his 10 doughnuts and a can of full fat coke, watching 20 minutes worth of some film starring Jude Law and Kate Winslet. He watches this on his full size 15.6 screen laptop and doesn’t seem to care all that much who else watches it as well. The disappointing smell of doughnuts at 7am in the morning is overwhelming and as Peter sits barely looking up from his screen, something peculiar happens.

A small grey Pigeon enters through the train doors, like any other normal passenger. He has no oyster card, nor any luggage for that matter. He chooses not to take a seat and instead decides to just stand there in the centre of the carriage. People come and people go but the pigeon does not move, except to poop at Ladbroke Grove station. 
 
Susannah has been watching this pigeon in fascination ever since he boarded (if indeed it is a ‘he’). She seems to have sparked up a conversation with an old lady as Peter carries on watching Winslet and Law uninterested by this mysterious pigeon. Marco, now reading someone else's Metro with his incredibly loud music blaring out of his headphones, hasn’t seemed to notice the pigeon...yet.

Without warning and all of a sudden the bird catches Marco’s attention as he flaps his wings twice and then once more for effect it would seem. A single feather flies in Marco’s direction, as the doors slam shut and Marco jumps up onto his seat gasping for air. 

‘Afraid of pigeons are you’? Susannah says in an almost jokey way. Marco doesn't reply. ‘It’s okay, I too have seen Hitchcocks ‘Birds’ so I understand, it’s a rational fear’. Marco now with headphones round his neck still does not reply. ‘Here, would you like to swap seats? He is getting awfully close to you’. The Pigeon moves towards Marco as Marco nods and quickly ushers Susannah out of her seat. Susannah sighs and sarcastically mutters under her breath ‘You’re welcome’. Marco still on the edge, now sits next to Peter, as a train announcement is heard. 

The doors open at Edgware Road Station, and the pigeon as still as anything does not move. Marco starts dramatically clapping as the pigeon who seems to have fallen asleep wakes up. He looks up at Marco, and then turns to look at the opened doors. His small pigeon head seems to tilt slightly as he notices the station sign. 

He then quickly moves forward, and hops off of the train carefully minding the gap. The doors close as he makes his way across to the High Street Kensington platform to continue his journey. Marco who is still breathing quite heavily and sweating slightly, sits back in his seat and relaxes. 

Peter offers Marco a Doughnut without saying a word, as Marco accepts and the two slump back in their seats, Peter finally mutters something to Marco so quietly that he can hardly hear. ‘All the Kings Men? Its a Winslet and Law classic’ Peter gives Marco his other earphone, as Susannah interrupts the two. ‘Can I?’

She takes a doughnut, and casually munches away as the 3 once strangers slightly exhausted by their experience, enter their final destination. Baker Street. 

End

5 Movies that you need to watch right NOW!

Yes it’s true, this is mainly a list of just some of my personal favorites, and I am in no way an obsessed film buff or a professional movie critic. My experience does not lie in analyzing every single detail of every single film I watch, nor does it lie in cinematography or producing special FX. However I am a member of the public who enjoys the odd movie or 10 on a nice evening, morning or afternoon in, and I do indeed take great pleasure in sitting down for several hours and staring into a systematic screen hoping for an escape. Sometimes on a rare occasion that escape that I long for, that wish, is granted, and I have the pleasure of completely immersing myself into someone else’s hopes and dreams, and someone else’s dramatic action. A plot that delivers these qualities and leaves you thinking about it maybe for days after is indeed a plot that I can get to grips with. So here it is, just 5 of the films that I think (as a standard by-passer) you should watch right now...   

1,

Sunset Boulevard 

 

This 1950 Hollywood classic is the story of the unsuccessful screenwriter Joe Gillis (played by William Holden), who stubbles upon an old mansion that contains the faded silent movie star Norma Desmond. The two grow close in the strangest of ways, as he attempts to write a screen play that will revive her failed career, and put her back on top once again. The real beauty of this film is sometimes not even seen in the film itself, but instead in the parallels between the fictitious story line and the real life plot of the actress who plays Desmond, Gloria Swanson. Without going into too much detail, lets just say that this is certainly one to watch and then research afterwards. But I’ll of course give you a head start with some trivia...

Click here 

2, 

The Life Of David Gale

  
I couldn’t not include at least one of Kate Winslet’s masterpieces in this list, and this is certainly one of them. This 2003 thriller takes us on an intimate journey through the life of capital punishment activist David Gale (Kevin Spacey), who is ironically a prisoner on death row. Bitsey Bloom (played by Kate Winslet) is a journalist known for her ability to keep secrets in order to protect her sources, and here she has just a few days to figure out Gale’s story. The interesting thing about this film is that it received some of the worst reviews known to man, and the overall reception was that it completely supported Capital Punishment as opose to being against it - a naive view on such an incredibly depicted story I think, but of course, you can be the judge of that so check it out. 

3, 

Paris, je t'aime

Do you ever want to watch about 50 million different genres in the same 2 hour sitting? Well then, this is the one for you. Paris Je t’aime (2006) consists of 18 short films set in each of the different area’s of Paris. This city of love, or so people call it, is exactly what you’re getting here. ‘Paris, I love you’ is the worthiest of titles, as these short films take you on a journey of just that. From love for one another to love for oneself, and then touching on of course love for the city throughout the whole film, it is in some ways a French delicacy and is definitely something that has to be seen to be believed...no questions asked please, just watch it as soon as you can. 

4, 

Airplane

A 1980’s hilariously hilarious hilarity. So funny that I just had to use that word 3 times! This satirical disaster-comedy film gives us everything from the inappropriate to the down right slapstick. From a fear of flying to a epidemic of food poisoning on board, and of course featuring a blow up auto pilot inflatable, this movie is one to check out when you’re feeling any emotion ever really. Its sure to put a smile on your face and if it doesn’t, well then you’re not getting your money back. Sorry, no returns.

And finally...

5, 

Titanic 

 
I tried really hard not to include this James Cameron Blockbuster, but unfortunately my very being told me that if anything would be wrong in the world then that would be it. So here it is, I’m sure you’ve all seen it at least more than once, and if you haven’t then I’m afraid our friendship has come to an end. This 1997 action packed romantic disaster film based on the true story with elements of comedy and an all star cast, surely has something for EVERYONE. The thing I love so much about this film is the way in which Cameron has got so much of the historical event itself, spot on. The amount of research this fantastic director put in to producing such an award winning classic is astonishing. To give such justice to such a terrible moment in history should be applauded ten fold, so James Cameron I salute you...now where’s your knighthood?! I am sure the Queen would skip over that whole not being British thing for you James.  

So there you have it, my top 5. If you have any suggestions of movies that undoubtedly should be added to this or any other list, then feel free to write it in the comments below and I’ll be sure to check it out.  

5 reasons why Sandwiches should be eaten for every meal…

Oh Sandwiches, how I love thee and your Sandwich'ey ways. If Mama Cass could do it, then by heck I’m sure everyone else can too. Sandwiches come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and although 5 reasons isn’t probably enough, it is really all we need to truly understand why everyone (and not just Mama Cass) should be eating these delicious substances for every single meal ….EVER!

1, The All Day Breakfast

Now this is the sort of Sandwich that screams ‘YUM’. Whoever thought to put the words ‘All Day’ in front of the word ‘Breakfast’ and then put it in between two slices of bread needs to be awarded a medal of some sort. Maybe even a knighthood. The mixture of egg, sausages, bacon and if you’re lucky, hash brown’s as well, covered in a heap of tomato sauce is just pure joy and can turn the saddest of frown's upside down. 

2, The Ploughman’s

Ever had one of those days where you just fancied 10 types of cheese with tomatoes, lettuce and a lovely little bit of pickle? Sorry, what’s that? EVERYDAY?! Well then, this is the sandwich for you. On a nice slab of wholegrain bread and maybe with a side of coleslaw, this sandwich has all the ingredients to make a deliciously irresistible lunch time treat. Be sure to wash it down with a simple glass of cider afterwards.

3, The Chicken Triple

3 halves? Better then 2! ALWAYS! I do love it when you get more than you bargained for and especially when it comes down to the scrumptious business of CHICKEN. Be it in a wrap, roll, bap, baguette or just your standard loaf, these sandwiches are surely the king when it comes to mixing it up a bit. A greasy feast of chicken escalope next to a delightful chicken salad and just when you think it’s all over, you’re surprised with a massive helping of chicken and bacon! Just yummy!  

4, The Meat Feast

At this point you’re probably so full from the amount of pure LOAF you have consumed, that the last thing you want to do is eat another sandwich! NOPE! Say no to saying no more, lets show Man VS Food what we’re made of...that being mainly sandwich. The Meat feast is a combination of, yep you’ve guest it …MEAT! Take some Steak, Salami, Pork and heaps of cheese melted over the top and voila…it’s a Christmas miracle!

5, Pulled Pork Bap

I absolutely had to include this God of a sandwich in the ‘5 reasons why list’ as surely its existence alone is reason enough to be eating anything at all! What I mean to say is….who am I kidding, there are no words, just look at it… 

I feel full up just thinking about all of these luscious beauts! Best make myself some dinner then….errrm can noodles go in a sarny?! LETS FIND OUT!

POST SCRIPT: Eating Sandwiches all day everyday can be extremely bad for your health, and especially if (like me) you have a gluten intolerance. Awkward!

Life is too short to read this...unless its not.

It’s easy to think, when you’ve got nothing on your mind. And it’s easy to dream when your mind is filled with thoughts, it’s the getting to sleep part that’s tricky. But once that’s done you can dream for hours and only mere minutes will pass. The two worlds once very separate are now totally alike. You’re filled with thoughts of love, happiness, success. Most people crave success, they crave answers and when they don’t get answers they look for them in the most peculiar of places. Places where they’re only going to get more questions, and less answers. Places like Sainsbury’s, where everyone crowds around the reduced section hoping to find answers to satisfy their stomachs wildest desires - when in reality, all that lays in the tiny refrigerated area, is a small pork pie and some ‘savers ham’ that looks like it’s just falling out of someone’s…she takes a deep breath and collapses on the floor.  

‘Where is it’? Whispered Sally. ‘I told you, its in my car’ Matthew said as he pointed towards a toy car on the floor next to an unused jam jar. 

'But which car? You have so many’. ‘I told you its … ‘she takes a deep breath. ‘I don’t know what the hell is going on here but I know it can’t be healthy’ muttered Sally as she smelt her left armpit in hope of inspiration or resentment . ‘I think that the proof is in the second pudding’.

She reached for the Rum, and as the music was building to a crescendo she finally grab it in one last scoop. ‘That’s it’ Sally shouted ‘the answers have been in front of me this whole time...ITS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW’. She laughed, not really knowing what or perhaps whom she was laughing at. Once again the music built and built, slow at first and then extremely fast, much like someone off of the Biggest Loser climbing up 1000 stairs and reaching the top. ‘SUCCESS, I MADE IT!!’ The music faded and she realised what it had all been about. Sally was one of a kind, or at least she wasn’t aware of any twin’s sisters! 

Are short people abbreviated in life? Is that why some of them have funny hands, that aren’t properly developed? For a brief moment Sally is filled with the acknowledgement and acceptance, that she has longed for ever since she stopped growing at aged 12.

Some of them don't understand grammer either! It's a problem that google image is trying to deal with.

Do you think this is total crap? Well, it is total crap. That's 2 minutes you'll never get back, you're welcome.

Kate Bush 'Before The Dawn'! WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS!

We enter the building line by line as our ID is checked and our tickets are scanned. It feels desperately similar to that of a prison inmate queuing for their first meal of the day, and waiting in anticipation for the feast to be splattered across their grey coloured trays. As we scoot along, our hypothetical shackles restrict us from any further movement, and we each feel as if we have been accepted into some sort of secret society that only a mere few are fortunate enough to experience. One by one we stay close knowing that any act of antisocial behaviour could land us back at the station and swiftly on the first train home.  

The man scans our tickets and for a brief moment there is silence as the scanner seems to have given up on its main duty, its only duty. Everyone holds their breath until the beep is finally (after what seems like hours) heard, allowing us to enter the building with no further obstacles. We walk around searching for a sign or a person to direct us to our places. There is a long table with people standing behind it squeezing a brown orangey type of foamy liquid into a tilted plastic cup. BEER! We have reached the bar so do the only thing acceptable in these circumstances, and pass over our paper tokens in return for this toxic substance, that brings joy to almost everyone in this large room. We then proceed to our final destination by walking up the long stairs which are now filled by the obstacle of people making it difficult to pass. 

Finally we reach the top, place our hands on the barriers and hear the following announcement:

‘Ladies and Gentleman could you please take your seats the show will be starting in 2 minutes’

The lights fade, as an old women’s voice is heard over the sound system. She talks of red shoes and of protecting angels, as she advises a young child of how to break the spell by singing back the symbols…and then it happens! The crowd goes wild as a woman dressed in a catching black gown enters centre stage. Everyone applauds and stands to their feet cheering as this barefooted woman opens her mouth and creates the most incredible sound one can only dream of hearing.  

Lily, oh Lily

She goes by the name of Kate Bush and is every bit of the legend that you would imagine. Over the course of nearly 3 hours, she takes us on a theatrical journey of discovery and gives us an insight into the way in which her incredible mind works. The journey begins with a blast of confetti shooting into the audience as a confused group enter wearing life jackets and attacking the floor with chainsaws, which creates an opening for Kate’s next appearance. A giant helicopter hovers above the audience searching for survivors as ‘Under Ice’ and ‘Watching You Without Me’ are sung without effort. During the rest of the performance we are witness to manipulated sheets, fish skeleton costumes and some incredible puppetry that really does come to life! 

All in all, I left feeling like I had truly experienced everything that you would expect from a Kate Bush concert and more. Many contradictions were fought in the best possible way. The large capacity of the venue went unnoticed as the whole atmosphere felt intimate and personal, and I almost felt like I’d see Kate in the bar afterwards sipping on a couple of G&T ’s. She made the audience feel comfortable, relaxed and inspired. She was note perfect and her performance was utterly faultless. 

This was Kate Bush’s first gig in over 35 years and what a gig it was. She has only ever done one tour before this in 1979, and I am sceptical as to if she will ever do another one. I feel as if Kate would have only come back if she had something truly remarkable to offer, and that, she really did. 

Before The Dawn – An exceptional achievement.

My Tin Opener TRAUMA!

It’s been a quieter week this week, mainly because I haven’t had internet due to moving house, so I will start with a ridiculously horrendous  tale involving  1 tin opener …or not as the case may be.  I realised once I had arrived at my new house that I’d completely forgotten to pack my tin opener. Oh well, I thought, not really an important utensil. Until I realised that it was the most important utensil of the modern world. When attempting to open my tin of Tuna after cooking a jacket potato for approximately 2 hours, I realised this to be true! HEAVENS! It was difficult not to curse.

Having only £10 to my name at the time of the tin opener crisis, I refused to spend £4 on a tin opener (which was the going rate). £4 on having the ability to open a tin? Nope, not today, not ever. It’s almost as bad as having to pay for tampons, these things in life WE NEED!  

So, I went to the pound shop, thanking London along the way for providing such a fantastic shop that enabled me to basically live (and breathe) in this city, and bought what I can only describe as a sharp pointy stick - similar to that of a knife. It was awful and my hands felt awful for using it.  I mean, what even is this...

As I washed away the blood from various cuts I had received, I imagined a world where tin openers were everywhere, and attached to EVERYTHING. A dream is still a dream so I decided to shop around and try to get a cheaper tin opener ….then the dreaded £4.

The breakthrough came upon entering a Tesco express on the evening of Monday 8^th September 2014 in Walthamstow. Wonders of all wonders I had found a tin opener for the incredibly reasonable price of £1. SOLD to the girl with the huge smile upon her face, victory is mine I thought. I took the tin opener to the counter, paid for my goods which also consisted of a bag of lettuce and some chewing gum, and left with a smile on my face thanking the distracted sales assistant as he packed my bag for me. How kind.

I raced home, looking forward to taking the new packaging off my brand spanking new (and cheap) tin opener, and as I popped the Tesco’s bag on the work top and opened the plastic, a sense of euphoria came upon me.  I took out the lettuce and chewing gum expecting to see the most amazing site in all of my 29 years, when instead I saw something truly horrific. There was no tin opener in the bag! WHAT? Where is it?!?! I looked all around the house, even though I had only walked about 6 steps from the front door. It wasn’t there. It was gone. I then remembered one crucial piece of information. The man behind the counter had packed my bags …and he had left the tin opener out!

Moral of the story, don’t move house.