Pages

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Kate Bush 'Before The Dawn'! WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS!


We enter the building line by line as our ID is checked and our tickets are scanned. It feels desperately similar to that of a prison inmate queuing for their first meal of the day, and waiting in anticipation for the feast to be splattered across their grey coloured trays. As we scoot along, our hypothetical shackles restrict us from any further movement, and we each feel as if we have been accepted into some sort of secret society that only a mere few are fortunate enough to experience. One by one we stay close knowing that any act of antisocial behaviour could land us back at the station and swiftly on the first train home.  

The man scans our tickets and for a brief moment there is silence as the scanner seems to have given up on its main duty, its only duty. Everyone holds their breath until the beep is finally (after what seems like hours) heard, allowing us to enter the building with no further obstacles. We walk around searching for a sign or a person to direct us to our places. There is a long table with people standing behind it squeezing a brown orangey type of foamy liquid into a tilted plastic cup. BEER! We have reached the bar so do the only thing acceptable in these circumstances, and pass over our paper tokens in return for this toxic substance, that brings joy to almost everyone in this large room. We then proceed to our final destination by walking up the long stairs which are now filled by the obstacle of people making it difficult to pass. 

Finally we reach the top, place our hands on the barriers and hear the following announcement:

‘Ladies and Gentleman could you please take your seats the show will be starting in 2 minutes’

The lights fade, as an old women’s voice is heard over the sound system. She talks of red shoes and of protecting angels, as she advises a young child of how to break the spell by singing back the symbols…and then it happens! The crowd goes wild as a woman dressed in a catching black gown enters centre stage. Everyone applauds and stands to their feet cheering as this barefooted woman opens her mouth and creates the most incredible sound one can only dream of hearing.  
Lily, oh Lily


She goes by the name of Kate Bush and is every bit of the legend that you would imagine. Over the course of nearly 3 hours, she takes us on a theatrical journey of discovery and gives us an insight into the way in which her incredible mind works. The journey begins with a blast of confetti shooting into the audience as a confused group enter wearing life jackets and attacking the floor with chainsaws, which creates an opening for Kate’s next appearance. A giant helicopter hovers above the audience searching for survivors as ‘Under Ice’ and ‘Watching You Without Me’ are sung without effort. During the rest of the performance we are witness to manipulated sheets, fish skeleton costumes and some incredible puppetry that really does come to life! 

All in all, I left feeling like I had truly experienced everything that you would expect from a Kate Bush concert and more. Many contradictions were fought in the best possible way. The large capacity of the venue went unnoticed as the whole atmosphere felt intimate and personal, and I almost felt like I’d see Kate in the bar afterwards sipping on a couple of G&T ’s. She made the audience feel comfortable, relaxed and inspired. She was note perfect and her performance was utterly faultless. 


This was Kate Bush’s first gig in over 35 years and what a gig it was. She has only ever done one tour before this in 1979, and I am sceptical as to if she will ever do another one. I feel as if Kate would have only come back if she had something truly remarkable to offer, and that, she really did. 

Before The Dawn – An exceptional achievement.

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

My Tin Opener TRAUMA!



It’s been a quieter week this week, mainly because I haven’t had internet due to moving house, so I will start with a ridiculously horrendous  tale involving  1 tin opener …or not as the case may be.  I realised once I had arrived at my new house that I’d completely forgotten to pack my tin opener. Oh well, I thought, not really an important utensil. Until I realised that it was the most important utensil of the modern world. When attempting to open my tin of Tuna after cooking a jacket potato for approximately 2 hours, I realised this to be true! HEAVENS! It was difficult not to curse.

Having only £10 to my name at the time of the tin opener crisis, I refused to spend £4 on a tin opener (which was the going rate). £4 on having the ability to open a tin? Nope, not today, not ever. It’s almost as bad as having to pay for tampons, these things in life WE NEED!  

So, I went to the pound shop, thanking London along the way for providing such a fantastic shop that enabled me to basically live (and breathe) in this city, and bought what I can only describe as a sharp pointy stick - similar to that of a knife. It was awful and my hands felt awful for using it.  I mean, what even is this...


As I washed away the blood from various cuts I had received, I imagined a world where tin openers were everywhere, and attached to EVERYTHING. A dream is still a dream so I decided to shop around and try to get a cheaper tin opener ….then the dreaded £4.

The breakthrough came upon entering a Tesco express on the evening of Monday 8th September 2014 in Walthamstow. Wonders of all wonders I had found a tin opener for the incredibly reasonable price of £1. SOLD to the girl with the huge smile upon her face, victory is mine I thought. I took the tin opener to the counter, paid for my goods which also consisted of a bag of lettuce and some chewing gum, and left with a smile on my face thanking the distracted sales assistant as he packed my bag for me. How kind.

I raced home, looking forward to taking the new packaging off my brand spanking new (and cheap) tin opener, and as I popped the Tesco’s bag on the work top and opened the plastic, a sense of euphoria came upon me.  I took out the lettuce and chewing gum expecting to see the most amazing site in all of my 29 years, when instead I saw something truly horrific. There was no tin opener in the bag! WHAT? Where is it?!?! I looked all around the house, even though I had only walked about 6 steps from the front door. It wasn’t there. It was gone. I then remembered one crucial piece of information. The man behind the counter had packed my bags …and he had left the tin opener out!

Moral of the story, don’t move house.